A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. – Fred Allen
Sure there are lots of ways to make conference calls more efficient: setting a clear agenda, sending invitations early with lots of reminders and keeping the conversation focused (see references for a few great lists).
But nobody ever says what everyone is really thinking.
So here’s my take on the real etiquette of conference calls:
- Being on time. Being a minute late is a big deal because conference calls occur in parallel universe that warps time – a few minutes on a conference call is like hours in the real world. Beep in late and you break the flow of the rollcall, forcing the poor moderator to ask, “Who’s joined?” again and again.
- No Dogs Allowed! Fine, I’ll be the one to say it. Do something with your damn dog! (Sorry for the expletive.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m a dog lover, but the last thing I need is to hear your dog warning you that your house is about to be invaded by the FedEx guy!
- Don’t Share Your Dirty Laundry. Take the call in a place we can’t hear your washing machine. The fact that your kid’s gym socks have moved to the spin-cycle isn’t critical information but it is a sure sign you’re overstepping your virtual freedom.
- Beware the Always Muted. Never trust someone that doesn’t initially respond—only to come on a minute later and interrupt the person talking—giving the excuse that they were on mute… WE KNOW you just got an instant message from someone else on the call alerting you that you were asked a question. Just put away the game controller and pay attention!
- Airports and ConCalls Don’t Mix! Let’s face it. You can’t hear us, and when you speak—we hear more ‘airport’ than ‘you’. We don’t need to know that your flight is overbooked and passengers with flexible travel plans can get a $200 travel certificate, providing they are willing to spend one more night at the O’Hare Marriott. Better yet, why don’t you take the certificate and go somewhere we can hear you.
What are your ConCall pet-peeves? Let me know at jeff@jeffkaplan.com.
-Jeff
Sources:
Inc., “3 Ways to Make Conference Calls Less Annoying”, February 25, 2014; http://www.inc.com/ilan-mochari/improving-conference-calls.html, Retrieved October 15, 2015
Arkadin, Gibson, Maranda, “17 Tips For More Productive Conference Calls – New Bonus Tips!”, November 20, 2014; https://www.accuconference.com/blog/17-tips-for-more-productive-conference-calls-new-bonus-tips/, Retrieved October 15, 2015
