Job Suicide…

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The days of job security are long gone. Graduates entering the workforce will likely have many, many more jobs than the generations before them. Today’s critical, must-have, can’t-replace skill is tomorrow’s automated “app de jure”.

For those seeking some control of the process, I’ve assembled some of the best advice on:

  1. What to avoid if you want to keep your job,
  2. Clues that might indicate you are on the way out,
  3. A few things you can do to speed up the process if you want to go…
What Not to Do

Monster.com:

  1. Lying on your job application
  2. Being indiscreet about your job hunt
  3. Gossiping
  4. Too many personal calls
  5. Drinking at work
  6. Excessive internet use
  7. Becoming romantically involved with the boss
  8. Forgetting to double-check your figures
  9. Alienating your co-workers
  10. Pointing the finger at everyone but yourself
Fox Business:
  1. Fudging your time sheet or expense report
  2. Inappropriate use of company information
  3. Bad attitude/creating drama
  4. Social media overload
  5. Blatant refusal to take good advice
  6. Theft
  7. Physical assault or threats
  8. Coming to work drunk or using unlawful substances
  9. Sleeping on the job
  10. Repeated tardiness
  11. Failing a random drug test
Clues You Are On the Way Out!
  1. No longer part of the loop
  2. You have been told to “take a vacation”
  3. You need an attitude adjustment
  4. You made a major mistake
  5. New blood has taken over
  6. Bad fit with corporate culture
  7. Your company is on CNBC
  8. New management
  9. Bad review & boss has an eye on you
A Few Fun Ways to Speed Your Departure:
  1. The Fort: Turn your office space into a fort and require everyone who enters to give the “password”
  2. New Hires: Loudly tell new hires to “run while they still can”
  3. Oreos: Bring Oreos to share with the whole office, but first lick the filling out of each one and reassemble the cookies
  4. Office Pool: Set up a kiddie pool in your office and fill it up cup by cup from the water cooler
  5. Note from Mom: Show up late, and when questioned, present a note from your mother

Trying to stay or eyeing the door; it’s your career–own it.

Sources: 

101 Hilarious Ways to Get Fired, HR World Editors, http://www.hrworld.com/features/101-ways-to-get-fired/. Retrieved May 8, 2015.

The 12 Quickest Ways to Get Fired, Kathryn Tuggle, September 1, 2011, http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2011/09/01/12-quickest-ways-to-get-fired/  Retrieved May 8, 2015.

Top 10 Ways to Get Fired, Beverly West, Monster Contributing Writer http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/10-ways-to-get-fired/article.aspx . Retrieved May 8, 2015

9 Signs You’re About To Get Fired, Ian Harrison,
Askmen.com, http://www.askmen.com/money/career_60/69_career.html
Retrieved May 8, 2015.

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