British New Wave Band KAJAGOOGOO’s topped U.K. charts in 1983 with the hit song Too Shy. While Too Shy isn’t on my iTunes playlist, I recalled the song after reading a note I received from Procter & Gamble Account Executive, Natalie Caldwell.
Natalie wrote:
“Once you’ve made the connection, what do you talk about?!? When I meet someone new, I find myself so focused on saying something that is really valuable/smart/etc., that I over think myself and end up coming off as very quiet.”
So this week’s question is,
Is being shy, introverted or quiet a bad thing?
Researching the topic, here’s what we learned:
- Introverts aren’t necessarily shy or quiet. Introversion and shyness are not synonymous. Shy people listen, observe, reflect inwardly and think deeply before speaking. Shy people appear quiet because of the gap between their internal reflection process and their outward responses. In her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, Susan Cain writes,
- “Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not over stimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.”
- Introverts are as happy as extroverts. Extroverts aren’t any happier than introverts, they simply experience and express happiness in different ways.
- You are not solely introverted or extroverted. Introversion and extroversion are the poles of a continuum and few people fall at either extreme. Moreover, our behaviors and therefore the degree to which we are introverted-extroverted, differ based on situational factors.
Yesterday, I had the privilege of giving a guest lecture at Iowa State University. After the talk, several students approached me echoing Natalie’s comments. In a world that rewards extroversion, many believe that inherent shyness, introversion or quietness negatively impacts success. The truth is that introversion, shyness and thoughtful quietude are simply underappreciated.
Interestingly, the quite Ms. Caldwell (who is definitely not quiet in all situations) reflectively conclude,
“[I know] there isn’t something terribly wrong with me (ha), and I’ve been trying to come up with how I could get over this.”
My simple answer – DON’T. Don’t get over it. Embrace it.
Natalie is one of the smartest high-potential leaders I’ve worked with. Be nice to her because we may all work for her someday!
Source Materials (and a link to the “Too Shy” music video)
7 Persistent Myths about Introverts: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/11/7-persistent-myths-about-introverts-extroverts/
6 Things Shy People Can Teach Us about Success: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/11/habits-of-shy-people_n_5112605.html
Too Shy Music Video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKWbMJOIkUk
