This week’s UPLIFT is something that you can use to improve your personal and professional relationships. It’s very simple.
As you interact with people over this next week, I want to challenge you to ask WHY questions; instead of asking WHAT. Let me explain how I learned this and how you can apply it.
I had a tremendous opportunity to work with one of the largest employers in all of Philadelphia. I got a chance to travel there, and I was going to meet with the number three person in the entire organization, a big-time executive. He was on the top floor of this building. I go into his office, and his secretary lets me know that he’s running late from a previous meeting. So I’ll be there for a few minutes before he shows up. I look around on his desk and in his office to see what kind of person you know he is. I see the various things laid out that you’d expect to be in an executive’s office, and then something caught my eye. I saw a little replica of an NFL helmet, but it wasn’t for the Philadelphia Eagles.
Now you have to understand Philadelphia is probably one of the most rabid sports towns in the country. To be in the executive’s office for one of the largest employers in the area and see this NFL helmet that didn’t have the Eagles on it caught my eye. Instead, it had the Houston Texans logo. Now, this was back when the Houston Texans were a brand new expansion team.
I had two choices to connect with him at this point.
I could use the fact that there was a football helmet there to get the conversation started, and I could do what many guys do. “Hey, I like football. You like football?” That approach would get us a total of nowhere in terms of really connecting. Both liking football puts us into the same category, but it doesn’t help us connect.
Instead, I’m challenging you to do what I did and change the question from “What?” to “Why”?
Instead of talking about how we both liked football, I asked him a better question. “Wow, you work for one of Philadelphia’s largest employers, yet you still have this helmet for the Houston Texans up on the shelf. There’s got to be a story there. Why is it up there?”
That’s when everything changed in this brand new relationship.
He says, “Jeff, you know what, you’re absolutely right, this doesn’t have much to do with football at all. In this company, to succeed, they give you training, and then they send you to a market, and you have to do well for about five years. If you do it well, you get a phone call, and then you get notified that you’re getting a promotion. That promotion means another market and a different kind of job that’s higher up. You get a promotion, you complete that, and you make another move, and so on.”
The last place that he had lived before he moved to Philadelphia was Houston, Texas. He told me that it wasn’t just about being in that city. When he moved there, his son was seven. And when he left, his son was 12.
“Jeff, I don’t know if you’re a dad, but there’s a big difference between seven and 12. At seven, I could throw him the football and hit him on the shoulder, and roll around. I take him to a game, and he’d fall asleep in the seats. He wasn’t interested. But by the time he was 12, this kid was designing plays, going out for the long pass. We would get to the stadium an hour early, stay through the whole thing, lose our voice from cheering, and then wait at the end to try to get the players to sign gear.”
“So that’s the reason the helmet has such a special meaning to you.”
“No, no, no wait, Jeff. You see, I got the call that I was getting promoted. We were leaving Houston, the first place that’s been our home. The van is all packed up, and my wife comes out with a box. I asked her, Is this one more box that I need to put onto the van to go to Philadelphia?
And she goes, no, no, it’s not. It’s something I want you to open and look at. So, I opened it up, and there’s the helmet for the Houston Texans. I was mystified. What is this? And she goes, honey, we are so proud of you and so happy that you continue to get these promotions and provide for our family. But I want you to take this helmet and put it on your desk as a reminder because you’re going alone if you take another promotion. I’m done. “
This helmet had nothing to do with football. It was a reminder that his first priority was to his wife and family. We ended up doing business together, but more importantly, he became a mentor for the next five years.
As a father, I want to end by saying I even asked myself the same question. I’m a Miami Dolphins fan from Los Angeles. Why would anybody from LA be a Miami Dolphins fan? I asked myself why. The first time I saw the Dolphins play was in the Super Bowl. My grandma was a Sunday school teacher, and the only time she let me skip Sunday school was when the Miami Dolphins were playing. She’d let me go into a little room, with a little TV next to the room where she was teaching, and I’d watch the Dolphins play. She’s not with us anymore. We lost her to cancer about 20 years ago. Every time I see the Dolphins take the field; I think of her. That is the power of asking Why instead of What.
